Choc full of good advice
By Sheryl-Lee Kerr
Long-time readers of this column seem to have the idea I am pro-chocolate (who told?), anti-fitness (only if it involves standing or moving) and believe roughing it in the wilds should only be done if you take half of Kmart with you and leave behind the spare tyre to make room for the hair dryer and tent airconditioner.
I know how this sounds. But I have to state, for the record, that I do actually understand the concept of being responsible, despite what my mother thinks. So, in deference to my long-suffering maternal unit, who keeps wanting to apologise to every South Australian she meets for what I write, I give you my first ever, guaranteed, responsible column.
First, I think you should know that, contrary to what I may have inferred in the past, man and woman cannot live on family-sized chocolate blocks alone.
No, nutritionists say you actually need variety and a well-rounded diet. So try injecting into your diet chocolate chips, chocolate flakes, choc-coated peanuts (for protein) and milk, dark and white varieties.
I should also ’fess up that exercise is actually a vital part of a healthy lifestyle. Some of you may not know what exercise is, so I'll explain:
1) See that thing about 40cm below you? Just underneath the couch leg?
Sort of woolly looking? To some, it may appear woody. That's called
the floor. And nine out of 10 sports scientists recommend you use it
at least once a day.
2) Place your feet on this device and swivel until you are now seated on your couch. Recuperate for 10 minutes.
3) Stand up and stride purposefully towards the end of the house, pumping your arms vigorously. If automatic pilot has kicked in, you should now be standing in front of your fridge. Excellent. Prop your heaving body up against its cool exterior for 10 further minutes until you recover.
4) Pull open the door and twist in the other direction while simultaneously doing a deep squat for a better look at the bottom shelf.
5) Weight lifts: grasp a snack from the bottom shelf. In one controlled movement, pull it up until it's at head height and raise your body back up, closing the fridge as you go.
6) Elbow curls: practise putting the snack in your mouth repeatedly and chewing forcefully until you think you have the hang of this exercise concept.
Finally, it would be remiss not to admit that one can and should enjoy the Outback with only the barest of essentials. It's all a matter of making a concise list and sticking to it. That list should indeed include that spare tyre, plus water, mozzie repellent, tent, hat, sunscreen lotion, chocolate, fridge to keep the chocolate cold, generator (and a spare) to keep the fridge going, a mechanic to check on the wellbeing of the generator at all times, sturdy trailer to tow the generators, and, last, a fully fitted mobile home, complete with airconditioner, microwave, TV and VCR and half of Kmart (only to keep the mechanic happy, I swear).
Because, let's face it - to be left chocolateless would be unimaginable; but to be left without all those valuable chocolate nutrients in one's well-balanced diet would be just plain irresponsible.
Wouldn't you agree, Mum?
© The Advertiser & Sheryl-Lee Kerr, 26 JAN 1999.