New twist in dodging chores

“I swear my IQ drops a few points each time I find myself with toilet brush in hand and up to an armpit in an S-bend.”

20Apr99

Mother of all guests

“Guests have all the silent-running capabilities of a hyperactive five-year-old in the confectionary aisle.”

11Aug98

Calamity in the remedy

“Little had I realised that familial happiness hinged so delicately on my ability to remove beetroot stains.”

24Jun97

Leader of the pack

“Attempting to bubble-wrap a 2m-long wooden tripod one-handed is the most fun you can have with your socks on.”

04Aug98

Naked truth about housemates

“The nocturnal mating rituals of hormonally charged flatmates ultimately drove me crazy.”

07Nov00

Groove to your home’s vibes

“I could marvel for hours at the not-quite-aligned faux-wood panelling of any and every width you care to name.”

02Jun98

In a domestic jam

“My bolognaise sauce was now about as thin and tasty as french onion soup without the french onion.”

04Feb97

Sex, ‘90s style

“Sex, according to Hollywood, which, as we all know, is based solely on reality, takes place very regularly.”

03Aug99

Brush up or it’s bye-bye

“I am sorry, dear, but I am legally bound by Statute 12a not to take out the garbage.”

10Mar98

Cold comfort looms

“There is a rumor sweeping the State that you can ‘cook’ rice in the fridge, so I am trying that out.”

06Oct98

A gentle laugh is the best medicine

“The mourners were choking on more than just their grief. And for weeks, they kept finding bits of their loved one in their jumpers, suit pockets, socks ... .”

16Sep97

Eating life, cheating death

“One daughter in exchange for 40 camels - a deal, she pointed out, which had her sorely tempted.”

11Jan00

 Dusting off welcome mat

“House guests have been known to recklessly open doors just because they see doorknobs. Rebels.”

08Jul97