Penguins on the rampage *

“Plague proportions of fairy penguins have taken over the suburbs of Australia, burrowing under homes and causing cave-ins.”

16Nov99

Punting on ignorance

“The football village idiot, has just shamed an office full of so-called expert punters whose calculations are so complex that if they'd just factor in the square root they'd have built the first fully automatic three-legged dog.”

31Aug99

Wanted: more trench-coat wearers

“The world’s largest buyer of ... micro-wired cufflinks and small rebel armies is on a recruitment drive.”

25Jan00

Flesh-eating bananas and other e-vils

“Death Ray still seems nicer than the Flesh Eating Bananas Hoax.”

07Mar00

Get a life with Spam*

“That’s what you might expect from someone cleaning under the influence of Spam.”

25May99

Battling the towering infur no

“There’s something about seeing a good, black leather couch turned into a pincushion by a doe-eyed grey kitten with up-market tastes in claw enhancement.”

26Oct99

The Truth about Cats and Dogs

“Uninvited attention requires the swift dissection of human body parts.”

01Feb00

Life’s sticky situations

“Humid days also saw women putting on heavy-duty make-up ... This bred a condition known as Sydney Squint.”

12Oct99

Excuse me, I have an alibi

“Instead of trying to sell the lung-on-the-lounge-room-floor story to the boss, you could choose between endorsed pains and plagues.”

21Dec99