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Damn the motto, watch the fun
“Fancy working yourself all the way up to Commonwealth level competition only to be mocked continuously and possibly forced into an illicit life of accountancy.”
19Sep98
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Mistakes the bride’s made
“I bustled down that aisle in a green taffeta, off-the-shoulder, bulbous affair with poufy ’70s sleeves (it was the ’90s, incidentally) and a plunging neckline that would have put Dolly Parton to shame.”
16Feb99
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A grassroots policy*
“Each weed in my hallowed garden reverentially signifies one woman’s laziness at putting the earth’s demands second to modern consumerist distractions.”
27Oct98
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Vintage posing
“From years of watching, bored, from wine cellar corners, comes my prized knowledge on how to do the Trust Me I Am An Expert expression for wannabe amateur wine gurus.”
22Sep98
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Wild claims, wild turkeys
“The turkeys at least understand something of irony, since they tend to like biting humans most during Thanksgiving.”
23Mar99
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Lovers of awful art rejoice
“Reclaim your bad velvet art. Dig out your poker-playing dogs and macaroni masterpieces.”
14Jul98
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Pleasantries of proper parking
“Parking. The thing that sets mankind apart from the apes. It’s what makes us great. But what happens when something goes wrong?”
11May99
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Weighing up all the ifs and butts
“Wombats kill by sitting on animals. Their thick hide apparently has all the force of a falling anvil on a cartoon coyote.”
07Jul98
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Braving a cold war
“I decided not to proceed lest I started skewering bug life, native marsupials and occasionally small children of the variety parents seem to be quite fond of.”
30Jun98
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That’s the way I bike it
“I discovered my seat was ever so slowly dropping 1mm each second...”
08Jun99
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