The trouble with smartypants

“Once you give your clothing an external power source, we all know where that leads.”

23jan01

Giving cranks the shaft

“There are Pavlov’s Hogs. These roadhogs take it as a personal affront when someone honks a horn at them.

17mar98

Clatter, clatter goes a bloke’s grey matter

“Danish researchers have found that men, on average, have about four billion more brain cells than women.”

05Aug97

All work to get techno to play *

“The last VCR I bought was so intelligent that you could whack a set of Tonka-truck wheels and an aerial on it and it would have given Sojourner a run for its money around Mars.”

27Jun00

Robotic reaction only human, right?

“I think I speak for everyone when I say: ‘Wow a tickling robot breakthrough. At last I can sleep at night’.”

19Sep00

Appearances don’t add up

“The wearing of bathers is detrimental to one’s mental health.”

13Oct98

Masterminding grey areas

“The scientist was absolutely furious to discover his glorious experiment was discontinued because of ethical considerations.”

30Nov99

I believe I smell a rat

“The more attractive a man’s face, the less appealing he actually smelled.”

19May98

It’s all a cup of hot air

“Huge numbers of bystanders of the male persuasion would start following women around, helpfully offering to even up their bra cups.”

03Oct00

Taking experiments for granted

“The machine measures the shape of your head and prints a paper tape out that tells your personality.”

22Aug00

Why do men really exist?

“This is a question that has troubled a number of woman for years during the footy season.”

21Mar00

Fridge food for thought

“You should be eligible for this food item in February 2010. This door is now closing. Please step back.”

18Feb97