Disorder in the court

By Sheryl-Lee Kerr

slkx@hotmail.com

 

 

IN April this year, after hearing that Canadian man Rene Joly was

suing pretty much everyone because his rights as a “genetically born

Martian” were being impinged upon, I vowed two things:

 

1) To look more closely at the active ingredients in maple syrup.

 

2) That it would be a cold day in Hell before I stumbled upon

another court case quite so bizarre.

 

On the first point, the answer is still diced maple trees with a

hint of grizzly bear.

 

On the second, Hell must be having a run on mittens because, in

fact, I’ve found two equally odd court cases. Both are from America’s state

of Florida (motto: “Even when we vote, we’re not sure who it’s for”).

 

The first case is an absolutely awful tale recounted in the Miami

Daily Business Review.

 

A Dutch tourist saw his wife shot dead during a robbery attempt in

Miami as she sat in their rented car at a service station. The question was

not whether the widower deserved some sort of compensation for his awful

loss but, rather, who he then chose to sue.

 

Was it the service station - perhaps for being an all-hours lure for

criminals?

The gun seller maybe - for supplying weapons to future killers?

Or even the robbers for, gee, I dunno, shooting their victim?

 

Er, no. In fact, Mr Gerrit Dieperink earlier this year chose to sue

the company which hired him his rental car. His argument: they should have warned him of Miami’s dangers.

 

And a Miami-Dade Circuit Court jury agreed.

Alamo Rent-A-Car must pay up $US5.2million, appeals withstanding.

 

I think I speak for everyone when I say: Huh ?

 

Before the shock wears off, I give you the second case, as revealed

in Tribune News Services. Two men, who were shot during an attempted drug deal in the parking lot of a Ramada Inn, sued the hotel for failing to

provide them with adequate security. The trial judge excluded any evidence about the alleged drug deal on the grounds it could have unfairly tainted the case. Gee, ya think ?

 

Anyway, they won $US1.7 million.

 

Scarily, somewhere in America there are now probably two

Armani-suited crims who can afford to buy a hotel with better security than

the Ramada Inn for their drug deals.

 

These cases set some interesting precedents. I, for one, shall be

trying for damages from my workplace for an old hopscotch injury which was aggravated when I received a paper cut and, in pain, hopped on one foot.

 

My boss was negligent in allowing me to handle paper unsupervised, and for having made no effort to warn me that to do so might cause paper cuts.

 

Further, he failed to file down the edges of all paper I was likely

to handle.

 

I think a cool $10 million should probably do it. Now where does one

get one of those Florida juries?

 

© Sheryl-Lee Kerr & The Advertiser, 21 NOV 2000.