Plunge into the mind of Mr Fix
It
By Sheryl-Lee Kerr
THIS is a true story. In London recently, a woman, ‘‘frustrated by
her long-running battle to get her washing machine mended, held a repairman hostage for three hours until she got it replaced’’, The Express newspaper reveals. Therese O’Dell, 42, locked the engineer inside her Somerset home.
Police were ‘‘called in to negotiations to help release the engineer -
known only as Eddie - who was freed after Servis promised a replacement for the 269 pounds ($680) machine which was bought in August’’.
The Express says Mrs O’Dell was ‘‘fed up after spending the past six
weeks trying to get the machine, which came with a 12-month guarantee,
fixed’’. After two missed appointments and two visits by engineers who
failed to fix it, she took her action.
A new machine has since been delivered by the company. No charges
were laid.
Now I think I speak for everyone when I say: What sort of a name is
Eddie for an engineer?
Seriously, though, I think many of us, probably even including some
repairers, can relate to Mrs O’Dell’s pent-up, bad-service rage. Although
her solution was a little more radical than might be recommended without a good lawyer and substantial bail money.
I should probably add at this point my dad is a repairman and so I
do not advocate taking matters into your own hands ... well, not unless
you can shake him down for the family heirloom barbecue tongs he owes me.
In its defence, the repair industry is fraught with nuances we
lesser mortals can’t hope to understand - like the concept of time being
folded in the tradesman space-time continuum. Thus repairman arrival time goes four times slower than regular time, yet 60 times as fast as normal time once they’re in your house.
This explains the mystery of why a repairman, four hours late, can
have a 60-second visit costing you $45 before the first spare part is taken
off the truck. See, under repair time, he or she was not only on time, but
possibly early. And they were, under this formula, already at your house for a full hour. Obviously.
I will now take the opportunity to answer some of the most commonly
asked questions about repairmen, using my inside knowledge (that knowledge being: I know my dad lives 1600km away and thus won’t read this).
1. Yes, butt-crack viewing is indeed mandatory. Get used to it.
2. True, the smaller the spare part, the more it costs. It’s the
wonder of the scientific age.
3. Oh, made out of cheap plastic you say? Well, it’s the wonder of,
um, just pay up, okay?
4. Yes, repairmen do love it when people sit behind their shoulders
and offer helpful advice, in much the same way brain surgeons love their
electricians offering surgery pointers.
In fact, why not try telling your plumber to get a clue next time he’s holding a large wrench and wielding the power to withhold your toilet
from flushing.
Hey, there’s nothing like it to give one a truly healthy respect for repairmen.
Of course, best no one suggests it to Mrs O’Dell ...
© Sheryl-Lee Kerr & The Advertiser, 18 JUL
2000.