Better to laugh than cry *
By Sheryl-Lee Kerr
(* a favourite column)
[slk
note: This column may be hopelessly out of date now, but of them all, I
confess it is my favourite. I used to keep it and read it if I ever got a bout
of writer’s block. It usually gave me a wry smile and kicked my brain back on
track.]
They say 1997 was the year of death - but I prefer to think of it
more as the year the truly silly won out.
Take Mir, for instance. A little known fact is that, in Russian, Mir
is short for Mirlyapublicrelationsdisaster Butdontpanicweareusedtothis.
Which, in English, roughly translates to “peace for all and pass
the spanner”.
Actually, cosmonauts being trained for Mir are now being taught - in
addition to finding Venus by looking out the window and how not to
suck in a lungful of vacuum - how to position their L-plate on the
dash so unmanned docking transports can see it. And 131 lesser-known
uses for bubblegum and pantyhose.
I note, also, that this was the year Mike Tyson decided to
officially quash rumors of his vegetarianism. The famed ear-biting bout sparked much innuendo. I also can now happily reveal that reports Tyson lost his sense of bearings after being caught in the glare of Don King’s
hair are “unsubstantiated”.
While still on the subject of extraterrestrial lifeforms (and Don
King is definitive proof), there was Sojourner, the little Tonka truck
with groovy mag wheels.
For those who missed it, the truck was sent to a reddish, Mars-like
soundstage at Spielberg’s studios for the cost of $1 billion, funded
by media moguls bored to death with seeing stories analysing the
new-look Tony Blair.
For that investment, they got front-page pictures of painted
polystyrene rocks with really doofus names like Yogi.
If you look closely at the censored raw footage, you’ll see the
lighting man in the background with the wristwatch, doing rabbit
ears and mooning the camera.
This global diversion freed up the NASA scientists long enough to do
some really important research (catching up on all the Star Trek
episodes they missed during their mission to come up with 131 new
uses for bubblegum and pantyhose).
And for my personal favorite funny event of the year? I am tempted
by dear Dolly the cloned sheep who has a sister for a mother; that
historic meeting of Nelson Mandela with ... the Spice Girls, or the
Crows win (if only for thoughtfully giving Sam Newman a migraine).
In the end, I can’t go past Tony Bullimore, whom the Australian Navy
found after five days lost at sea - by homing in on the sound of
continuous talking.
Teams of scientists who have gathered in fascination are still waiting for him to draw breath. Onya, mate.
And have a great New Year, everyone.
© Sheryl-Lee Kerr & The
Advertiser, 30 Dec 1997.