Festive time is all in the name
*
By Sheryl-Lee Kerr
(* a favourite column)
A report last week revealed that the English city of Birmingham has
decided to rename the Christmas season Winterval to give it a more
multicultural appeal.
Splendid idea. Marvellous. And it’s about time. Think of all the
other religious communities which, until now, have been deprived of the
opportunity to hock the family home to buy the newest in computer
games and essential pump-up sneakers, while singing songs about the
snow, dead kings and the pressing search for heating fuel.
But why just stop at the word Christmas? If you’re going to change
an age-old tradition to be politically correct, then be visionary - go
the whole hog.
This being the case, I don’t really think Santa’s Little Helpers is
very kind to short people. And calling them helpers implies they
merely assist with the real work and don’t do any of their own. So
Santa’s Height Challenged Personal Assistants would be far better.
Others, I note, refer to Santa as Father Christmas. Now this won’t do at
all.
In this day and age, not every youngster has a father in the home
and it seems cruel to remind them annually of this fact. And, of course,
some fathers aren’t actually a child’s real father, but a stepdad.
So with this in mind, Father Christmas really should be named Parental
Unit Winterval Sack Holder and Gift Dispensing Character.
I also know some people have been in the habit of referring to
certain Winterval decorations as fairy lights. Oh my. I think Differently
Sexually Oriented Lights and Darks would swiftly alleviate any
perceived homophobia and racism from such an unfriendly name.
Now I don’t want to mess with the fine Christmas tale of the birth
of the height-challenged Jesus, but some people might be irked at the
bit about the three wise men. I mean, sure there may well have been
three of them and possibly they were wise (after all, they did find a
manger by starlight and without a current Bethlehem street directory).
But do we have to call them men?
Sure, they may have been men, if you want to get technical. But it just seems that designating the gender of male to the only wise people in this entire story would leave little girls with the distinct impression that only males have the smarts. Might I suggest, then, we call them Three Arguably Wise People of a Gender of Your Own Choosing and let the children’s imaginations fill in the rest?
As for Christmas carols, we can’t be sexist. Let people sing
Winterval carols, or steves, too, if they want.
Now I realise there may be some resistance to these changes;
possibly even, dare I say it, laughter. But, if the fine council of
Birmingham is willing to face guffaws for a plan which, while well-intentioned, is simply begging to be mocked, then so am I.
Merry Winterval.
© Sheryl-Lee Kerr & The Advertiser, 17 Nov 1998.